When bad things happen to good people

 

Most of the time, we believe the world is fair.  Be a good person, live in a reasonably honest and kind way and good things will come back to you.  And for the most part, that is the way life is.  But life is also unpredictable, and as much as we would like it to be different, life can also be very unfair.  It is at those times that good people are left thunderstruck, searching for some type of logical explanation for the terrible fate that has befallen them.  When, in fact there usually isn’t any. 

 

Crime – Robbery, burglary, mugging, rape, kidnapping and murder are all bad things that can happen to good people without reason and warning, leaving the victim dazed and confused.  All of these crimes to greater or lesser degree qualify as traumatic events.  All threaten or take away a person’s or family’s sense of safety, security, control and predictability.  Yet, often the victims try to minimize the effects, act brave, rationalize that the effect wasn’t as bad as it could have been without acknowledging the damage that was done to them.  Non-violent and violent crimes do have an effect on the victims that needs to be acknowledged and validated before the victims can move on in their lives. 

 

What are some common responses?

 

Individual responses vary even within families due to age, psychological temperament and past experience.  For all there is often a loss of the sense of safety they once felt.  Many have feelings of violation, helplessness and guilt over not having done more to avoid or stop the crime.  Responses may also include feelings of fear, grief, depression, panic, nausea, sleeplessness and an inability to work.  It is important to talk about all of these feelings and put them into perspective. 

 

The truth is that all victims are helpless and violated during or by the crime.  No one could have done more than he or she did.  The feelings of guilt and self-recrimination are as normal as they are unfounded.  Being a victim means just that, you were taken advantage of, exploited and victimized without hope of retaliation. In fact, when it comes to violent crime, had the victim fought back during the commission of the crime, she/he would probably have been killed.  So it is important to realize that you did the very best you could and it was the best course of action anyone could have taken. 

 

It is also important to realize that the crime was not your fault.  Criminals choose victims at random, for the most part, looking for a target that would be easiest for them to hit at a point in time.  You did nothing to deserve being victimized.  In hindsight, you can use information to make yourself safer in the future, but trusting is a common healthy human emotion.  Feeling safe in one’s home, car or workplace is important for one’s sense of stability.

 

So, how long will it take for me to feel normal again?

 

For most who talk with a solid supportive group of friends or family, things will feel normal again in a few months.  Naturally if you were the victim of a burglary, you will recovery more quickly that if you were beaten or raped during a house robbery.  More severe crimes may warrant seeking professional counseling soon after the trauma.  The key factor seems to be the question of whether or not you questioned whether or not you would survive the attack.

 

What is PTSD?  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a normal psychological reaction of a more serious nature to an abnormal human experience (traumatic event).  PTSD last beyond 3 months or so and is a more intense live interrupting reaction to a traumatic event.  It may involve the re-living of the event through flashbacks, nightmares, extreme physical or emotional reactions to reminders of the event.  Extreme or lasting feelings of guilt, fear of harm, numbing of emotions.  Physical reactions can involve uncontrollable shaking, chills or heart palpitations or muscle tension.     One may avoid any activity or place that reminds you of the event and feel detached or estranged from others.  Your may be overly alert or easily started, have difficulty sleeping, feel irritable and lack concentration.  You could even feel depressed and have suicidal thoughts.  Use alcohol to excess to try to find escape for the feelings.